Inspired

I've been reading the Mark of the Lion series by Francine Rivers which I highly recommend, by the way. I'm on the third and final book and I just have to say that I have truly been inspired. Her characters are so real and imperfect yet their conversations with the Lord throughout their daily experiences have grabbed ahold of my mind and won't let go. The books are written based around the time Rome destroyed Jerusalem and tells of believers who survive. Although, it is fiction, I know the times then were horrible when Christians were sent to the arena for the public to watch them being torn apart and eaten by lions. But the faith of these believers transcends me and I have found myself thinking about them during my day. What would Hadassah or Theopholis do? How would they pray? I have been stuggling with Levi. He and I are so much alike with strong wills of our own and I have found myself desperate in how to raise him, how to get through to him, how to teach him to obey. So I have been praying differently. I don't know how to explain it, I pray through my days often. But, somehow, it's gentler, more peaceful. Maybe it's the place from which I pray from, the solemn need for the Lord to do something in me and through me that will reach a two year old. Maybe it's finally a place where I have totally removed myself from the equation because I've come to realize that I can't do it. Believe me I've tried and read books about trying. The amazing thing is, although I can't put my finger on it, it's working. It's like Jesus is truly coming forth from my mouth and thoughts and hands through the Holy Spirit. I know it's not me. I am impatient and critical and negative and selfish, but in spite of me, Jesus is taking care of my two year old. He has heard my desperate prayers that sometimes don't even have words and inspires me to do and say things that are kind and gentle and compassionate and full of love. Thank you Jesus. All I can say is thank you.....